Procrastination

As another way of not working on my thesis, which is due in a mind-boggling short space of time, I thought I'd provide some brief reviews of non-thesis related books I've read this year. I mean, seeing as I won't be doing the Readathon properly this year and all. They'll be brief...

Gentlemen of the Road - Michael Chabon
Not my favourite of his, but it had some good bits. It's Chabon, how can it not have good bits? I still think "The Final Solution" is my favourite Chabon to date. Or maybe "The Yiddish Policeman's Union".

Gone Tomorrow - Lee Child
Jack Reacher is back, and he's still a total legend. Also, learned how to spot a suicide bomber. Also learned that if I actually DID spot a suicide bomber, I'm probably doomed. Liked this one much better than the one before ("Nothing to Lose"), which I think I mentioned ended a bit strangely.

Twilight and New Moon - Stephenie Meyer
Yes yes OK I confess, I read two of those vampire teen romance novels. And by golly they are really not that dissimilar to Mills and Boon. There was a lot of jaw clenching going on and plenty of erratic heartbeats and generalised gazing. Oh, and did I mention unresolved sexual tension? Great stuff. As a consequence of reading the books I also watched the filum, and developed a slight crush on the poor lad who plays Edward Cullen, who's young enough to be my - um - much younger brother. I've also started to develop a list of "Questions people never seem to get around to asking vampires", like:

• So, like, what's the greatest gig you've ever seen in all your 600 years?
• Did you ever meet Disraeli? What was he like?
• Is there any substance to the rumour that aliens helped build Aztec temples?
• So what happened to the Amber Room, already?
  
• Do you guys go totally nuts when girls get their periods? (Sorry eww gross)

I suppose it's because everyone's too busy trying not to get bitten, or mooning around wishing their immortal beloved WOULD bite them so they could be together for ever and ever. But if I found a vegetarian vampire he/she and I would be having a long chat, let me tell you.

By the way, how much does Edward Cullen's room rock in that film?? NB This reaction clearly puts me in the "Enjoys 'Grand Designs' far too much for own good" age bracket.

Drood - Dan Simmons
I didn't get into this one as much as "The Terror", but still an enjoyable read-a-bit-before-bed novel. I will never be able to think of Wilkie Collins in the same light again though, the misogynist bastard!! Old Chas Dickens didn't pull up so well in that regard either!!

Is that really it? Crap. I want to read novels solid for a month. Gotta finish this thesis first though...

The Postman Always Rings Twice

By James M Cain
Initially, and as Hercule Poirot would say (sort of), I didn’t buy the psychology in this one – our protagonist, Frank (I won’t call him a hero), rocks up at a diner, manipulates the boss into giving him a job, fancies the missus (Cora), forces himself on her within a short space of time and bites her lip badly enough to make it bleed, and yet she appears to fancy him back. She has, apparently, “lips that stuck out in a way that made me want to mash them in for her”. What the?! Surely Cora’s husband, Nick the Greek, must have been a total monster, if Frank is an attractive proposition?? Yet the only crimes she fingers her husband for is being “greasy”. (Not only are the main characters generally unpleasant, they are also racist! And sexist! Still, it was written in the 30s, I suppose).

After a while, though, I got used to the “psychology” of the characters, even though Frank is so repulsive - and Cora’s not exactly fabulous either. So I was in for the ride as Cora and Frank try twice to kill off Nick the Greek and then go through the inevitable court case and relationship problems. This is not a happily-ever-after story! There is some satisfaction, I suppose, in seeing them get their just desserts…

I haven’t seen either of the films upon which this is based, or even any of the other films based on Cain’s novels (e.g. Double Indemnity) but it is not hard to imagine them as films – they are quite visual, and the writing style very fast and punchy. It reminds me a bit of Psycho, where the person who gets killed in the shower is morally flawed, and the story follows her crime and ultimate downfall.

Incidentally there is no postman in this book, which is a tad confusing because I was imagining some kind of “Cape Fear” story with a psychopathic postman. In fact I don’t believe there are even any doorbells rung. I googled it and apparently the phrase “The Postman Always Rings Twice” is code for the general sentiment “What Goes Around Comes Around”. I wonder if Justin Timberlake ever considered an alternate title for his song??

Rating: 6 out of 10

Fight Club

By Chuck Palahniuk
I did a bit of research on Wiki after I finished this book, because I wondered if it had ever been banned anywhere – it does read like a bit of a primer for civil disobedience, after all, and that usually gets the book-banners’ blood boiling. Waiters spitting (and worse) into restaurant food, selling soap made from liposuction fat to the ladies who had the liposuction (at outrageous prices), bare knuckle fist-fight clubs, blowing things up…this book had it all. I can also easily imagine the society depicted in Fight Club appealing greatly to the disenfranchised, angry, despairing, bored and/or lonely – the type of person who can often end up in a cult. As Hercule Poirot would say, the psychology of the book was right.

Well Wikipedia didn’t mention any attempts to ban the book (or the subsequent film), although Fight Club has attracted some criticism for its violent nature, suggestions of misogyny etc. (Incidentally, my own inbuilt misogyny detector was not activated while reading this book). The Wiki entry on Fight Club did indicate, however, that it has generated rather a lot of deep and meaningful essays and critiques. (Arrrgh). To quote Wiki, “[Fight Club] is now widely considered to be a defining work and an uncompromising critique of humanity's loss of identity through mass consumerism.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fight_club). Oo-er.

Interestingly, the fight club society that evolves in the book is made up entirely of men. I’m not sure if this makes me prey to gender stereotypes, but I don’t think I would have found it believable if there were lots of women joining up to bash each other’s faces in and obey ridiculous rules unquestioningly. Tell me if I’m falling prey to gender stereotypes, won’t you? I'd hate to fall prey to gender stereotypes...

Fight Club is a curious book – definitely worth reading – it feels like it’s being written by someone with ADD (or possibly extreme sleep deprivation, which is what our unnamed hero suffers from), but as you get towards the end and it all comes together…geez! I mean, I didn’t see that coming! I think Chuck Palahniuk is a bit clever.

Also Fight Club has the rare commendation of being a book that invites comment by total strangers on public transport. I was only on about page 5 when a bloke on the train started telling me what an awesome book it was; I can only recall two other books inviting comment from strangers, Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse 5 and one of Dorothy Sayers’ Lord Peter Wimsey novels.

I think I’m going to give this book a 10, even though I didn’t quite like it as much as my other favourites, but it was just so well done. A dangerous book!!

Rating: 10 out of 10

Down and out in Paris and London (2006)

By George Orwell
Another book by my new literary hero, detailing his actual experiences of being poor in Paris and London. Should be mandatory reading for anyone who reckons that people who beg on the street make a good living! Also by anyone who wants to be discouraged from eating in restaurants or staying in hotels. A very interesting read, in Orwell’s simple, succinct style about which I have raved previously.

I might have to take Orwell off his pedestal though, and just place him near it instead – undoubtedly Orwell was a smartypants and a fabulous writer, but my ever-alert misogyny detector thought it detected a hint of misogyny. Near the end of the book, Orwell notes that the majority of homeless poor in England are male, and surmises that a woman who has fallen on hard times “can at least attach herself to some man”, which seemed a little over-simplified to me. I don’t suppose Orwell spent any time hanging out with women forced to work in brothels or live in the homes for unmarried pregnant women – although technically they do have a roof over their head, I wonder if he would really think their situation was a desirable alternative? (Orwell recounts at one point a particularly disgusting tale told to him by someone he met in Paris, about a girl who had evidently been sold into sexual slavery).

Nevertheless, this book is a fascinating account of how the poor of London and Paris survived at that time – I wonder if much has changed?

Rating: 7 out of 10

Jason King (2005)

By Robert Miall
Unfortunately this novel, based on the early 1970s television series of the same name, does not quite make it into the “so bad it’s good” category – no, this novel is just bad. Jason King is a novelist, man-about-town and 007 James Bond-type character, complete with the necessary misogyny but with much more facial hair. King has to solve two mysteries in this book, both highly unlikely scenarios but never mind – the first to do with a clever bunch of crooks that can outwit Scotland Yard’s supercomputer (amazing what those 70s supercomputers could do!); the second a murder mystery to which King appears to have some kind of psychic connection. (Don’t worry, it turns out to be subliminal messages).

It really is very bad. SO bad. But it does have some classic lines…if only there were a few more – it would have scored higher. Try some of these on for size:

If either girl had slipped on the hard-packed snow she could effortlessly have saved herself by grabbing the nearest tuft of King’s sideburns.

The blonde was chattering, shaking her head admiringly to and fro. The redhead simply clung to King, shaking the contents of her sweater admirably to and fro.

The world, thought Jason, was filling up with women who not only did men’s jobs for men’s rates of pay, but insisted on equality in everything else…you were supposed to pass them at the desk or workbench without glancing at their legs...even an appreciative eyebrow should be kept quiescent.

Magic. And what a spunkrat he is!!! (See cover illustration).

Rating: 4 out of 10
It’s not very long or hard to read, so you may as well…just read the first page at least, go on…

Wilt (2005)

By Tom Sharpe

This is the story of Henry Wilt, who’s a chap not really content with his middle-class existence. Neither is his wife, Eva, who wishes he had a more prestigious job and a bit more ambition and so on. Wilt fantasises about murdering his wife, especially after she meets an odious American couple, Sally and Gaskell Pringsheim, who are into Sexual Freedom and Women’s Lib and all sorts of revolutionary new things. Wilt even goes so far as to “practice” Eva’s murder, while she is away with the Pringsheims, after which he decides not to murder Eva.

Unfortunately for Wilt, his practice body (a blow-up plastic doll) is discovered and everyone believes he has murdered Eva after all. People become increasingly hysterical from then on, especially at some staff meetings at Wilt’s workplace, which are really very good scenes.

This book is written very cleverly, and is quite amusing, only it bothers me that the “bad guy” of the story is Sally Pringsheim, who really is a super bitch, but also the representative of “Women’s Lib” in the story. So, in satirising Sally, the author also makes Women’s Lib seem shallow and callous and selfish. Eva is “saved” in the end and she and Wilt return to their normal, comfortable existence, but partly because at some level Eva rejected Women’s Lib and what it represented.

In other words, I get the feeling Tom Sharpe is not a fan of Women’s Lib. But then, he is entitled not to be a fan…literature would be very dull if we all had the same opinions…all the same, I will be reading more of Sharpe to decide whether or not I think he is a misogynist, as well as to enjoy his depictions of bureaucratic ridiculousness.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10
Read when you feel in the mood for an episode of “Yes, Minister” or are feeling very anti-Women’s Lib.

One Fat Englishman (2004)

By Kingsley Amis
The fat Pom of the title is possibly the most convincingly odious and repugnant character ever written. It is not even possible to enjoy disliking him, as with so many other nasty literary characters. He’s fat, he sweats a lot, he lusts after married women a lot, he has an anger management issue, he likes to play at emotional blackmail, he has a British superiority complex, he doesn’t seem to even really like women, except for a bit of recreational activity - he’s just generally foul.

This book is all about his attempts to get it on with Helene, the wife of an associate of his. Roger Micheldene (the said fat Pom) is a publisher, and in America on business. While he tries to pressure Helene into having sex with him (eww), he tries it on with a couple of other women he meets for good measure, while having arguments with a young American author called Macher, despising everyone around him (especially Helene’s son, Arthur) and generally behaving like a total asshole.

While the quality of the writing was undoubtedly good, I found it hard to keep reading. I wondered who it was meant to appeal to – other fat Englishmen? It seemed to me that the author also despised Mr Micheldene quite thoroughly, and wondered what made him want to write about such a person. Was he writing about himself in some way, thus purging himself? (Kingsley was a Pom, and I think a bit on the fat side; OK tenuous link I admit). Perhaps he was trying to cure the world of the notion that all fat Englishmen are jolly old fellows. If so, he succeeded. This book is clever, but I found it impossible to enjoy.

Rating: 3 out of 10