Jason King (2005)

By Robert Miall
Unfortunately this novel, based on the early 1970s television series of the same name, does not quite make it into the “so bad it’s good” category – no, this novel is just bad. Jason King is a novelist, man-about-town and 007 James Bond-type character, complete with the necessary misogyny but with much more facial hair. King has to solve two mysteries in this book, both highly unlikely scenarios but never mind – the first to do with a clever bunch of crooks that can outwit Scotland Yard’s supercomputer (amazing what those 70s supercomputers could do!); the second a murder mystery to which King appears to have some kind of psychic connection. (Don’t worry, it turns out to be subliminal messages).

It really is very bad. SO bad. But it does have some classic lines…if only there were a few more – it would have scored higher. Try some of these on for size:

If either girl had slipped on the hard-packed snow she could effortlessly have saved herself by grabbing the nearest tuft of King’s sideburns.

The blonde was chattering, shaking her head admiringly to and fro. The redhead simply clung to King, shaking the contents of her sweater admirably to and fro.

The world, thought Jason, was filling up with women who not only did men’s jobs for men’s rates of pay, but insisted on equality in everything else…you were supposed to pass them at the desk or workbench without glancing at their legs...even an appreciative eyebrow should be kept quiescent.

Magic. And what a spunkrat he is!!! (See cover illustration).

Rating: 4 out of 10
It’s not very long or hard to read, so you may as well…just read the first page at least, go on…