The Yiddish Policeman's Union

By Michael Chabon

Another lovely book from Michael Chabon, I think I actually liked this one better than "The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay", which I read last year. This one's quite a bit shorter, and based in an alternate world where the Jewish people were sent to Alaska after World War I instead of Israel. Meyer Landsman is a policeman in the Jewish state of Sitka, who tries to solve the case of a murdered chess-playing junkie. Chabon has created a whole society, complete with Jewish gumshoe lingo (which I found a bit hard to get my head around, but no more than actual gumshoe lingo), a bit of sass, a brooding atmosphere and snappy dialogue. Minor quibble in the presence of chess, which I think annoys me because it turns up in quite a few novels as some kind of plot device, but handled here so much better than all the others. At least Landsman also hates chess. Go on, read it...reeaaaddd itttt...

Rating: 9 out of 10

The Postman Always Rings Twice

By James M Cain
Initially, and as Hercule Poirot would say (sort of), I didn’t buy the psychology in this one – our protagonist, Frank (I won’t call him a hero), rocks up at a diner, manipulates the boss into giving him a job, fancies the missus (Cora), forces himself on her within a short space of time and bites her lip badly enough to make it bleed, and yet she appears to fancy him back. She has, apparently, “lips that stuck out in a way that made me want to mash them in for her”. What the?! Surely Cora’s husband, Nick the Greek, must have been a total monster, if Frank is an attractive proposition?? Yet the only crimes she fingers her husband for is being “greasy”. (Not only are the main characters generally unpleasant, they are also racist! And sexist! Still, it was written in the 30s, I suppose).

After a while, though, I got used to the “psychology” of the characters, even though Frank is so repulsive - and Cora’s not exactly fabulous either. So I was in for the ride as Cora and Frank try twice to kill off Nick the Greek and then go through the inevitable court case and relationship problems. This is not a happily-ever-after story! There is some satisfaction, I suppose, in seeing them get their just desserts…

I haven’t seen either of the films upon which this is based, or even any of the other films based on Cain’s novels (e.g. Double Indemnity) but it is not hard to imagine them as films – they are quite visual, and the writing style very fast and punchy. It reminds me a bit of Psycho, where the person who gets killed in the shower is morally flawed, and the story follows her crime and ultimate downfall.

Incidentally there is no postman in this book, which is a tad confusing because I was imagining some kind of “Cape Fear” story with a psychopathic postman. In fact I don’t believe there are even any doorbells rung. I googled it and apparently the phrase “The Postman Always Rings Twice” is code for the general sentiment “What Goes Around Comes Around”. I wonder if Justin Timberlake ever considered an alternate title for his song??

Rating: 6 out of 10

Devils' Corner

By Lisa Scottoline
I’m afraid I found this book quite dull. Really dull, in fact. So dull it gets my annual award for Crime Novel Least Likely to Inspire Me to Stay Up Past My Bedtime as well as my other annual award for Least Plausible and Least Interesting Love Story.

So why was this book so dull? It wasn’t badly written. It had a relatively good plot – at least, it wasn’t one of those ones about some shifty white-collar crime involving convoluted financial arrangements, which I always find particularly challenging to follow…no, I think it was because the characters weren’t terribly engaging. They got a bit better by the end of the book, but I didn’t really get a sense of our heroine ever being particularly interesting. Her love interest was silly, as I believe I have already inferred. Also, she had a very annoying way of interviewing suspects and witnesses and so on, which seemed to be essentially to bombard them with a long series of questions and not let them have any time to respond. No subtle Inspector Goran-type methods here!

Anyway, what happens? Our heroine, Vicki Allegretti, goes to meet a confidential informant about some gun-running but interrupts the murder of said confidential informant, and the theft of some very good quality cocaine. Also, her partner gets killed. So naturally she has to investigate, against the express wishes of her boss, of course. (I think Lisa Scottoline needs to read a bit of Jasper Fforde, to make her more aware of crime novel cliches). Ho-hum.

Rating: 4 out of 10

Star of the Sea

By Joseph O’Connor
Really I picked up this book because it was on sale (only $3.95!) and because the cover blurb mentioned something about a monster stalking the decks of a ship, at night. So naturally I thought it would be about vampires. Really, there should be some kind of government inquiry into book jacket blurb writers because needless to say this book has nothing to do with vampires. OK, possibly I am obsessed with vampires, but what would you think the word “monster” is meant to represent, particularly when associated with “night”? (Apart from werewolves, maybe).

Lack of vampires not withstanding, this book was actually very absorbing. When I am trying to recommend a film to someone, I might say “I wouldn’t mind paying full price for that” or “Cheap Tuesday flick, man” or “Wait for it on video, bud” or just a bald “Don’t bother”. I think Star of the Sea classifies easily as a Cheap Tuesday book, possibly even a “Wouldn’t mind paying full price”, so feel free to ask for a lend of my copy.

The Star of the Sea is actually about the Irish potato famine. There are many characters involved, one of whom is a poor Irish peasant who has been appointed the task of murdering an Irish aristocrat on the trip over the Atlantic to America. Though the present-day plot is set on board, there are many flashbacks, in order to highlight who the characters are and how they got that way. It is very successful in showing the reality of the famine and how shocking it must have been; also the realities of travelling by ship back then and how yucky that must have been; also also some of the realities of immigration, and how enormous a decision this must be.

There is even a bit of post-modernism in there (I think it’s post-modernism, anyway, you post-modernists will have to tell me) where the aspiring author character despairs of writing a novel about the famine because it is impossible to write about something so terrible. And yet – we are reading a novel about the famine!! How post-modern.

The book is written as if it is a “piecing together of the facts”, well after the events occurred, and so is written from many different viewpoints and includes parts written as the Captain’s Log, unpublished memoirs or fiction by some of the characters (drawing heavily on actual factuals, of course) and so on. Also, in between each chapter the author has included an extract from letters written by Irish immigrants to the US. Chapters are subheaded things like “In which are sketched certain recollections of The Star of The Sea; the condition of her passengers and the evil which stalked among them”. (Seriously, stalking evil-doers? That can only mean vampires!). I found this all a bit of overkill and distracting from the story; I think it would have worked much better had the author left out all the frilly clever bits. All the chopping and changing made the story seem a bit overworked and diminished its credibility, rather than adding to it. I think the author did A Lot Of Research for this book and By Gad He Was Going To Use It All.

Still – it did make me stay up past my bedtime.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10

Clean Break

By Val McDermid
I really really want to like McDermid’s books, because I heard her speak at an Adelaide Writers’ Festival once and she was fabulous. How many authors will admit that the reason they made their main character a journalist was because that was the author’s own area of expertise and they didn’t want to have to do any research?? But I’m afraid McDermid’s books just don’t do it for me.

I think Clean Break is the third novel of McDermid’s I’ve read, this one featuring her private eye heroine Kate Brannigan. Brannigan is trying to track down a stolen Monet (there’s a gang of art thieves on the loose! Very topical…) while simultaneously investigating a bit of industrial sabotage. She’s independent, tough and feisty, needless to say, and grappling with some relationship problems with her partner, Richard (a music reviewer). Sound familiar??

McDermid’s books are OK, but they don’t make me want to stay up way past my bedtime to find out what happens. Somehow the jaunty dialogue seems forced. Also, even though I suspect McDermid wrote these before the tough action chick was a bit of cliché, unfortunately the tough action heroine is becoming a bit of a cliché. Also also, and I mention this as advice to any budding crime writers out there, why do crime writers persist in describing their character’s outfits?? Maybe it’s because I’m not a fashion person, but they always sound terribly ugly, unless the crime is set in the nineteenth century or something, in which case I don’t mind reading about greatcoats and bonnets and things. I don’t care if our heroine is wearing tan jodhpur-style leggings, a cream linen collarless shirt and a chocolate brown jacket with a mandarin collar, so just leave it out, OK?

I know McDermid has a staunch fan base, particularly for her series featuring Kate Brannigan and another featuring journalist Lindsey Gordon (not to mention the books that the Wire in the Blood series was based on, featuring crime psychologist Tony Hill), so don’t necessarily be put off by my review. Give it a whirl – airplane reading, maybe.

Rating: 6 out of 10

They do it with mirrors (2006)

By Agatha Christie
You know, I’ve never read an Agatha Christie before. I know, I know, what have I been doing with myself? Reading Georgette Heyer and Dorothy Sayers instead, that’s what. But anyway, how did I like it? Not bad actually, and this book was even a Miss Marple adventure, who I’ve never been terribly interested in on the telly – she’s much more enjoyable in person. Maybe I’ll even like Poirot, if I read him instead of watch!! Anyway, it’s a good thing I liked Christie’s book, because I understand there’s a lot of others around and it’s always nice to know there’s a tidy stash of good books tucked away waiting to be read.

So what happens? The inherently mild-mannered, nosy Miss Marple leaves her intrigue-infested home town of St Mary Mead to visit an old friend, Carrie Louise Serrocold, who may be in trouble, according to the unspecified hunch of a mutual friend. Carrie Louise lives in a large mansion with her husband, two stepsons from a previous marriage, a daughter from a different previous marriage, a granddaughter, a grandson-in-law, a very efficient house-keeper/personal companion and about 200 juvenile delinquents and their attending physicians and psychiatrists - her husband has turned the family mansion into a school for recently released young offenders, but don’t worry, none of them are ever suspected of the murder. Wait – did I say there was a murder? Well there is, and Miss Marple figures out who did it!!

I think you could probably sum up this book as “charming”. I’m probably the last person on the planet to read it, but if by chance I’m wrong and that person is you, go on, give Miss Marple a go. You know you want to!!

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

Cadillac Jukebox (2006)

By James Lee Burke
Detective Dave Robicheaux is probably a cliché amongst crime heroes now – an alcholic (recovered, in this book), Vietnam vet, some anger management issues, a murdered wife, relationship troubles with his current wife, a big chip on his shoulder about the haves and have-nots…in a word, Robicheaux has Demons. But James Lee Burke does it all so well! Robicheaux should be treated as the archetypal troubled cop, with all others relegated to mere pale imitations. (That means you, McCallum).

Burke’s books are all set in and around New Orleans, Louisiana, and his descriptive powers are way beyond that of most crime writers. In fact, they make me want to go to Louisiana, despite it clearly being a hotbed for pimps, extortionists, murderers and alligators. Burke’s writing is beautiful – I wonder what he’ll write next, post Hurricane Katrina, with his beloved landscapes and cityscapes destroyed?

Anyway, the plot. A guy who was convicted of killing a black activist many years ago insists on his innocence, and for various reasons Robicheaux decides to investigate, which leads to all sorts of problems with some really very nasty people – see above, not including the alligators. Hmm, that doesn’t really tell you a lot, does it? Never mind, I think maybe it’s worth reading James Lee Burke for other reasons.

A minor quibble - maybe it was just the flawless Cajun slang that admittedly I was having some trouble following, but characters kept saying things like “Hey, you’re a bright guy, I know you connect on this” and I’m, like, “No! Spell it out for me!” but Robicheaux seems to be awfully good at putting two and two together, if you know what I mean...

Rating: 7.5 out of 10

The Raphael Affair (2003)

By Iain Pears
I received a lot of criticism for my criticism of another of Iain Pear’s books, “Death and Restoration”. Well, this one was better! A lot better – I think because we didn’t have to endure so much of Jonathan Argyll’s “inner monologue” about his ethical dilemmas – he was just a slightly kooky art historian. (And we all know how kooky art historians are). I also enjoyed the plot of this book much more, as it relied more on legitimate historical detective work and less on the philosophical musings of monks.

Oh yes, the plot – I’d like to say, a painting gets nicked and they get it back, but this is not really true!! See, the plot thickens already…

The “restorer” in this book wasn’t so much of a tosser as the one in “Death and Restoration”, but did come across as slightly pathetic.

Rating: 7 out of 10

Complicity (2003)

By Iain Banks
I’m not counting this one in my tally of books for the Readathon because frankly I thought it was crap and only got up to about page 50. It starts off alternating between the activities of an unnamed murderer and the activities of a semi-junkie journalist, set somewhere in Scotland. The unnamed murderer (assuming it was all the same guy, I didn’t get far enough to find out) is very busy and had killed two people, several dogs and sexually assaulted another (person) by the time I gave up. The journalist seemed to drive around the countryside a lot getting uptight about the quality of beer in Scotland, smoking, drinking whiskey and sniffing one of those white powders, I forget which, to keep him awake and hanging around in telephone boxes waiting for some secret source to call him about something. By page 50 there was still no apparent connection between the two although obviously there must have been, unless the author was trying to be all post-modern or something.

In the end it was all getting a bit sordid for me – and to top it all off I thought it was pretty badly written, relying way too much on shock value. I won’t be picking up any more Iain Banks books unless they come with a very good recommendation!!

Rating: 0 out of 10

Death and Restoration (2003)

By Iain Pears
This is the second of these series of books that I have read, about the fictional adventures of the Art Theft department in Italy, and although it’s nice to read some crime novels about art for a change instead of all those ones about serial killers and autopsies and things, these are pretty light-weight books and not much to get excited about. Good for reading on the plane or the bus, or when you don’t want to tax yourself overly. I don’t think I need to tell you anything about the plot – a painting gets nicked and they get it back. (Oh damn, I just ruined the ending).

Also it bugs me that the heroine, Flavia, who works for this particular branch of the Police Department, never seems to solve a crime without the help of her bookish failed-art-dealer boyfriend, Jonathan. (He failed at the art dealer thing because he was too ethical and nice). Jonathan seems to be the author’s alter ego in this book in that he has the superior academic knowledge, lateral thinking skills, sensitivity and all that while Flavia tends to run around a lot being the tough cop chick. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all in favour of the tough chick and am very glad she’s been written about more in recent years, but now I would like to see more of the “genius chick”. Where are the books with incredibly clever sheilas in them, who solve mysteries with their smarts?? And don’t say, what about “Murder, she wrote” – that doesn’t count. I can only think of Trixie Belden, Nancy Drew and Elizabeth from “Pride and Prejudice” (and that’s not really a crime novel anyway). Any others you can think of? Are there even any female evil geniuses out there?

Rating: 4 out of 10

Tricky Business (2005)

By Dave Barry
Dave Barry is an American columnist who, I have to say, can be very, very funny. Some Australian papers carry his columns from time to time, you might have seen them around. He is also a mate of Carl Hiaasen, a fellow journalist-turned-novelist. This book is humorous and light, except for a few acts of extreme violence, but not quite as good as the Hiaasen’s I have read to date, nor as good as Janet Evanovich. It is better than R is for Ricochet, though.

The plot involves several parties, whose paths intertwine on board a small cruise ship that sails offshore every night so that everyone can gamble relatively legally. The ship is also being used to deliver drugs. This particular night there is a big storm, and some bad guys have a plan and quite a lot of guns. There is also a band, a barmaid and two retirees thrown into the mix. Barry also pokes some well-deserved fun at the inanity of news coverage, where, desperate to drum up a story about the storm, news reporters keep racing to the scene of apparent tragedies only to get killed themselves – thus, they create their own news.

If you could only read one more book before you died, this wouldn’t be it. (My personal choice would be Ulysses, because I know it would take me a really, really long time to finish). More the kind of book you’d read on a plane flight, except that you’d probably be more entertained by Carl Hiaasen.

Rating: 5 out of 10
It’s okay - if you never get around to reading it, it won't be the end of the world.

R is for Ricochet (2005)

By Sue Grafton
What I shame this book wasn’t “C is for Corpse” (an earlier Sue Grafton novel) so I could make a clever joke about what the novel really should have been called. I can think of several derogatory words that begin with C, but none that start with an R. The best I can think of off the top of my head is “R is for Ratshit”, which is kind of cheating.

Yes, I was less than impressed with this latest effort by Sue Grafton in her alphabetically-themed adventures of her heroine Kinsey Millhone, a private investigator. Why? Because it really is INCREDIBLY DULL. And Kinsey is also INCREDIBLY DULL. This is meant to be a thriller detective novel – what do I care whether Kinsey goes jogging, unless something interesting happens along the way? What do I care about the romantic problems suffered by her 80-year old neighbour? What do I care about the precise details of her outfit? Well, I’ll tell you – NOTHING. This book really made me suspicious that the whole female-private-eye genre is nothing more than Mills and Boon in disguise – the word frisson even lurked in one sentence, ready to shock the unwary reader believing she was reading a hard-nosed feminist text. Okay okay, maybe that’s going a bit far, Kinsey is certainly much more liberated than the average Mills and Boon heroine, BUT THE AVERAGE MILLS AND BOON NOVEL IS MORE INTERESTING THAN THIS. Maybe I was just crabby when I read this novel…perhaps if I’d been a fan of the whole series right from “A is for Aardvarkshit” (not the real title) I would be more enthusiastic about the adventures (or not) of Kinsey Millhone. Gee, I can’t wait for “Z is for Zebrashit” to come out…

The only interesting thing about this novel is that it is set in the 1980s, Grafton deciding not to age her characters in real time. And that’s only interesting for its novelty value – how many other novels do you know deliberately set in the 1980s? Pity Grafton didn’t chuck in a bit more Duran Duran and Milli Vanilli – that could have spiced things up a bit.

Rating: 3 out of 10
Only in recognition of the effort it takes to actually write a novel. For die-hard Kinsey fans only.

Hot Six (2005)

By Janet Evanovich
I went off Janet Evanovich and her sassy bounty-hunter heroine Stephanie Plum for a while, because I thought I detected the emergence of the dreaded LOVE TRIANGLE erupting between Stephanie and the two eligible bachelors around town, Joe Morelli (cop) and Ranger (fellow bounty hunter and general entrepreneur), at the end of “High Five”. And I really hate love triangles, I mean I REALLY hate them. They go on forever, they can’t possible have a happy ending, there’s way too much useless inner turmoil around and they’re just dullsville in general, man. Case in point: Dawson’s Creek, where there seemed to be several love triangles going on all at the one time. Oh, the agony! I thought I would kill someone. Fortunately, I remembered in time that watching Dawson’s Creek was an optional activity.

Anyway, the book. The eleventh adventure of Ms Stephanie Plum has just come out, so I am really behind the times with number six here, but I am pleased to report that, despite a little bit of love triangle action, this book is thoroughly enjoyable. (In brief, it’s about Stephanie Plum trying to help get Ranger off the hook for the suspected murder of a member of one of the local crime families). I think Evanovich’s skill is that her books really are fun – they’re not heavy, man. So I will get back on the Stephanie Plum train, which is a bit exciting really because I know I’ve got another five books to enjoy before I have to wait another year for the next one. I hope they will be just as reliably entertaining as all her previous books.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10
Good fun. Warning: May make you want to eat doughnuts.

Basket Case (2005)

By Carl Hiaasen
I confess I picked up this novel out of thousands of others because it features a band called “Jimmy and the Slut Puppies” – such a great name for a band. The hero of our story, Jack Tagger, is an experienced journalist who pissed off the boss and so has been relegated to the obituaries desk. Jack now suffers from a kind of obsessive compulsive disorder about dying – he knows off-by-heart how old all the celebrities were when they died and he gets complete physicals every month because he’s worried he might die early like his Dad. However, once members of the Slut Puppies start dying, he has the opportunity to get back into real news stories once again – plus, he was quite a fan of the Slut Puppies way back when, so he would like to find out if justice is being served.

I liked this book a lot – the dialogue is good, it has some humour, it has some suspense, although the plot wasn’t as devious as it could have been – a bit too straightforward. It’s one of those “light and frothy” reads that’s good for beach holidays. I’ll read some more of Hiaasen’s books.

The only thing that really bugged me was Jack Tagger’s name, because it kept reminding me of “Taggart”, the television series, where “mairduh” is done so often and everyone is so very serious.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10
Not outstanding, but fun.

The Picture of Dorian Gray (2005)

By Oscar Wilde
Amongst other things, this novel was accused by contemporary critics of being effeminate – and it really is quite startlingly so, in places, especially at the beginning. I did catch myself thinking at the start, oh for goodness sakes stop poncing around (oh look at the pretty flowers ooh ahh), but then thought I was being mean and that I may as well say something like “this is so gay”, in the unfortunate terminology of today’s yoof – today’s yoof! Don’t get me started – and after all, Wilde does write about those flowers so prettily. (An interesting aside – The Picture of Dorian Gray started life as a short story, and Wilde consciously made the longer version much less “effeminate” than the original).

However, I did find myself agreeing a bit with the critic in the June 1980 St James’s Gazette, who found Dorian’s petulant behaviour near the start of the novel a bit silly: “…when he is rebuked for being a naughty, wilful boy, he makes a pretty moue – this man of twenty!”. I mean really. In my defence I will say that I find moues unbecoming in women also; if you’re going to be sulky you should at least stomp around a bit and maybe throw something and stop trying to be sexy at the same time. (I tell you what, though, they knew how to write a totally decimating review back in the 1890s).

The book does get going a bit after the moue incident, when Dorian starts to dabble in doubtful activities, all the while staying youthful and unblemished while his portrait becomes steadily more ugly and decrepit. His friend Lord Henry, who really should cop more flak than he does for his part in the whole sorry story, really started to tick me off during his long speeches on how nothing is important except for pleasure and the senses and enjoying yourself. Oh yes, you’re so clever, Lord Henry, now shut up will you? Perhaps I inherited more of the Scottish Protestant Work Ethic than I thought. This all makes it sound like I didn’t like the book, which is not true; I enjoyed it very much. It is a strange mix of philosophy and horror; lovely writing; a good book for a cold rainy winter’s night with the fire going and a bottle of vintage port nearby.

Rating: 8 out of 10
One point deducted for the bit about the moue.

Nice Try (2003)

By Shane Maloney
I can’t really find much to say about this book. I very much enjoyed Maloney’s two previous books in this series, Stiff and The Brush Off. Nice Try is cut from the same cloth but somehow lacks the spark of the previous two. Our hero, David Wenham, I mean Murray Whelan, is still in the employ of Angelo Agnelli, Minister for Water Supply and the Arts, but is borrowed for a week by mates in the Melbourne Olympics Bid, Incorporated, to sort out some issues that could affect Melbourne’s chances for the 1996 Games - issues that include an Aboriginal activist and a semi-psychotic bodybuilder pumped up on steroids. Also, Whelan is on a health kick and feeling increasingly estranged from his son, Red, who lives in Sydney with his Mum, so there’s some personal stuff going on too. (Not a bad name, Red, only of course it’s short for Redmond and I’m not sure I could name potential future sons Redmond in case he copped flak at school for being named after the bloke that hung Ned Kelly). Whelan’s style of getting things done is still refreshing though – upfront, free of menace and table-thumping; he’s essentially a humble man who wants to get along with people, and that makes a nice change from a lot of crime fiction.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10
A pleasant entertainment, but not much more.

Bad Debts (2004)

By Peter Temple
I’ve been trying to avoid giving books a rating of “7” because it seems a bit of a cop-out. But I’m afraid I couldn’t resist giving a seven for “Bad Debts”; it’s a good fun book while not being spectacular. I’ve been looking for a good crime writer for a while (one that isn't an autopsy person) and yay here is one!! Also, he’s Australian!

The hero of the story is Jack Irish, an ex-lawyer who now specialises in finding witnesses for trials and betting on the horses to make ends meet - he hangs around in the dodgy end of town a fair bit. Oh yes, he also enjoys a bit of woodwork, and used to have a drinking problem. It’s all set in and around Melbourne, which is nice seeing as I’m moving there soon. An ex-client of Jack’s contacts him because he’s in trouble, but is murdered before Jack can meet him. Of course, Jack starts to investigate, and meets a few leggy dames, crooked pollies and eccentric football fans along the way. I must say I am a bit worried about moving to Melbourne now, it seems to be a den of vice and a haven for criminals, and I will never think of Daylesford in quite the same way again. (Read the book to find out why).

It took me a while to get going with this book but by the end I was quite fond of Irish and will definitely try the others in the series. I have to say it did remind me of Dick Francis novels - perhaps that was just because of the horse racing element, and that strange feeling you get that the hero is into exactly all the same things the author likes to do in their spare time. More fun and better written than Dick Francis, though.

Rating: 7 out of 10